Obi-Wan Kenobi (Alec Guinness) Force Ghost |
The Force surrounds us, but it doesn’t always give us useful powers.
Most people dream of being a Jedi Knight to get awesome powers like
lifting X-Wing fighters or dashing down a hallway. In the Star Wars universe, it’s a mystical energy field that gives the heroic Jedi and the evil Sith Lords their power.
Throughout the movies, animated series and books we’ve
seen the Force lift small rocks and burn people to death. Choke people
and pass them slices of pears.
But these abilities are nothing compared
to some of the useless powers in the “Expanded
Universe” of Star Wars novels, comic books, video games, and television
series over the years. Now branded as “Star Wars Legacy” by Lucasfilm
most of these will probably never see the light of day. Thank goodness.
Although I wouldn’t mind seeing Rey use her Jedi powers to make a
sunflower grow.
From smells to dizziness, here’s a list of the most useless and pointless Force abilities in the Star Wars universe ranked from bad to useless.
Droid Disable
Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (1999) – Battle Droids |
The Emperor used Force Lightning to burn and inflict pain on his
enemies. On the other side of the coin is Droid Disable also known as
ionize. It first showed up in
the 1994 Dark Empire audio drama. The user generated enough electricity to fry a droid’s
electronics. Pretty lame.
It would be cool if they could use it to
control the machine. But, no. They just stop it.
A lightsaber works even better.
Deadly Sight
Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith (2005) – Darth Vader (Hayden Christensen) |
Deadly sight focused the user’s hatred into deadly energy to injure or burn people. In the game Star Wars: Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II the Darksiders could burn their victims into KFC with a look. They could even burn up whole crowds with side eye.
The stupid part is the user roasted everyone they looked at. Friends,
enemies, and innocent bystanders alike. All with a salty look. That’s
some seriously useless shade.
Flashburn
Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones (2002) – Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) and Shmi Skywalker (Pernilla August) |
The ability to forget painful memories. This is one of the truly
bizarre Force powers. The Jedi can use the Force to fry a person’s (or
their own) brain and make them forget things.
It’s only been used by
one Jedi in one novel in 1998 named I, Jedi written by Michael A. Stackpole.
Any Force power that’s the equivalent to drinking Jägermeister is pretty dumb.
Force Bellow
Star Wars: Clone Wars (2005) – Jedi Roron Corobb |
This power allows the user to talk really, really loudly. It’s only
really useful when you’re giving a speech or want to intimidate someone
by yelling. So, if you’re the kind of person who likes to give people
jump scares, this is the Force power for you.
It was used to good effect in Star Wars: Clone Wars
– “Chapter 24” by Ithorian Jedi Roron Corobb. He used in the hallway
against General Grievous but it didn’t really even slow him down.
Pointless.
Force Smell
Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983) – Jabba the Hutt and Princess Leia Organa (Carrie Fisher) |
The ability to detect smells normally undetectable by the human nose.
There are plenty of times I’ve imagined holding my nose in the Star
Wars universe. Jabba the Hutt’s castle reeking of his flop sweat.
Chewbacca’s damp fur after a rain shower. A stuffy Stormtrooper helmet after a run
on Jakku. Thanks to Jedi powers you can enjoy all those odors in HD
clarity.
No thanks.
Force Scream
Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith (2005) – Darth Vader (Hayden Christensen) screaming |
Kind of like Force Bellow, Scream gives the user the ability to break
things by screaming from frustration, rage, or grief. Kind of like a
super-powered tantrum.
It was first used in the third of Timothy Zahn’s Thrawn Novels The Last Command.
It also showed up in the movies too. Remember when Darth Vader let out
his super-whine “Noooo!” when he thought Padme was dead? That’s the
power of the Force Scream.
Plant Surge
Star Wars Tales #1 (1999) by Claudio Castellini. |
Plant Surge, also known as Consitor Sato, gives the user the ability gives the Jedi Master the ability to make plants grow. Think of a living version of Miracle-Gro.
It first appears in the comic Star Wars Tales #1 by Ron Marz and Claudio Castellini.
It’s
mildly helpful if you can make an oak tree grow underneath someone or
have vines wrap around them. It’s useless if you’re in a place without
useful plants like Tatooine.
And what if you’re stuck with dandelions
or crabgrass? Hopefully, your enemy has hay fever.
Force Dizziness
Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (1999) – Jar Jar Binks |
This power is also known as “Malacia” and allows the user to induce a
powerful dizziness and nausea in enemies by turning their equilibrium
against them.
This sounds like an awesome power complete with confusion
and projectile-vomiting. But it’s nothing that can’t be done without Force Pushing the guy onto a wall or using a Jedi Mind Trick to convince them
to run in circles.
If you can beat the Force with Dramamine then it’s
not a real power.
Tapas
Star Wars: Episode V -The Empire Strikes Back (1980) – Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) on Hoth |
The ability to warm your body on extreme cold. Some Force powers have
dozens of uses. Others, like this one, only has one use in one
situation. When the Jedi is somewhere cold this power makes them warm.
The user can concentrate on the Force to retain their body heat.
It first showed up in The New Jedi Order: Destiny’s Way, written by Walter Jon Williams in 2002. Although it should have shown up in Empire Strikes Back. Luke could have used this on Hoth. But, in a pinch, you can use a dead Taint-Taun.
Force Ghost
Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983) – Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christiansen), Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi (Alec Guinness) as Force Ghosts |
The ability to survive after death by manifesting yourself as a
disembodied spirit in the Force. At first, this seems like an awesome
power. Who wouldn’t want to live forever?
But it’s only good for the living. If you’re the guy stick as a Force
Ghost it sucks. You lose your body so you can’t touch anything. So you
can see and hear everything but can only talk. When you’re not stalking
your old friends You’ve got nothing to do. Aside from telling people
when to shoot and watching your old friends celebrate their victories
your life is one big snooze-fest.
So the next time you dream of being a Jedi remember that you might get super smell instead of Force Jump. Be careful what you wish for.
What’s your favorite force power? What’s your least favorite?
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<span class="dsq-postid" data-dsqidentifier="31669 ">4 Comments
Forcing Jar-Jar on all of us was certainly worse than dizziness.
Deadly sight is like Cyclops. Definitely need shades.
I couldn't resist Alex 😉
Most of the extended universe stuff was lame. I forget all the powers you could get in Knights of the Old Republic but electrocuting and choking people was pretty sweet.
Yeah Pat a lot of Force powers are sweet, but not all.