In the last few years, Wikileaks has turned the political scene upside-down by releasing thousands of previously classified documents from around the world. What has not been fully publicized is that some of those documents come not just from our world, but from the worlds of science-fiction movies and television. We here at Geek Twins have recovered and reviewed some of those shocking secret documents. For security reasons, we’ll be releasing them only a few at a time. These selections come from Soylent Green. (Warning: Contains spoilers if you haven’t seen the movie)
SUMMARY: The following details the meeting held on November 15, 2019 with the executive board of the Omnibus Corporation. During the course of the meeting, a new solution was recommended to resolve issues with loss on Omnibus’ Soylent Corporation and Omnibus’ Waste Disposal department. The solution will be researched.
1. (s) The meeting began with a review of our first-quarter profits for the company as a whole. By and large, the Omnibus Corporation has been successful, however it was noted by Chief Financial Officer Henderson Drake that two areas of the company have been a significant loss for the company. CFO focused on reviewing those two areas to find ways to improve.
2. (s) The first area is from our Assisted Suicide program, publicly known as the Journey Home Initiative. The program falls under the umbrella of the Department of Waste Disposal. At the request of the government, Omnibus has provided facilities for citizens to voluntarily end their own life. This was provided as an alternative to the previous program, the Hunting Humans Initiative. Since our Waste Disposal Division acquired the contract to cremate human remains left by assisted suicide, we have been struggling with methods of disposal. Even with full cremation, the amount of human remains to be disposed of has been considerable. At first, we informed the public that all human remains would be disposed of in a Corporation cemetery especially constructed to ensure the remains would be treated with dignity and respect. However, when it became public that the remains were in reality dumped at a New Jersey landfill, national outcry forced us to re-evaluate our practices. Currently, all human remains are being stored at our warehouses, but space is already at a premium.
3. (s) At the same time, the division of Omnibus known as the Soylent Corporation has been suffering shortages on its production of food rations for the federal government. While the Soylent Corporation has always claimed that soylent wafers were produced from a combination of high-protein soybeans and lentil beans, the reality is that those food sources ran out years ago. Our first attempt at correcting this came with the introduction of Soylent Red, wafers produced by processing stray cats and dogs. When that source ran out, the Soylent Corporation introduced Soylent Yellow, wafers produced from human urine and feces. This source has also proved short-lived, as demand has outstripped supply. Experiments to produce a new line of soylent wafers from plankton have failed, due to the low nutritional content of plankton, and the difficulty in breeding enough plankton to meet supply.
4. (s) Vice-President Todd Sweeney raised a proposal that would attempt to solve both our waste disposal problem and our shortage of food products. He laid out a presentation that he had prepared that addressed the feasibility of merging the Department of Waste Disposal with the Soylent Corporation into a unified entity. This would involve essentially routing the waste products from our assisted suicide program directly into our food ration production facilities. In essence, Sweeney proposed that we create soylent wafers from human remains.
5. (s) Sweeney’s proposal met with enthusiasm from the entire board, except for one Gabriel Heston, who became disruptive. He reportedly interrupted the meeting with a cry of “Are you [CENSORED] kidding me?” Then Heston became physically combative and had to be escorted from the room by security personnel. For more info, please reference Employee File: 2875 – Termination Procedure. The remainder of the board expressed interest in the proposal. Sweeney was authorized to supervise a team in Research and Development to see if it would produce a commercially viable product.
END SUMMARY
FROM: Todd Sweeney
TO: Project Green Staff
SUBJECT: Product Name
Well, we’ve made a major breakthrough on the project. It’s been decided to use the name Soylent Green for our new product. It took a long time, considering some of the alternative suggestions:
Ground-Up People Wafers
Friends and Family
People Chips
Cannibal Chow
Sincerely,
Todd
FROM: Todd Sweeney ([email protected])
TO: MAGICAL MARKETING
SUBJECT: NEW SLOGAN FOR SOYLENT GREEN
Dear Magical Marketing,
Thank you for your enthusiasm in producing a new marketing campaign for our product, Soylent Green. After careful review of your proposal, we have come to the conclusion that “Soylent Green is Made Out of People” would not be a suitable slogan for future marketing campaigns. Due to our disappointment with this campaign, we have also decided to pursue other options for our advertising agency.
Sincerely,
Todd
FROM: Todd Sweeney ([email protected])
TO: Project Green Staff
SUBJECT: EFFECTS OF PROCESSING SOYLENT GREEN
During product testing, the question was asked whether Soylent Green has a different flavor based on the ethnicity of the subject being processed. This led to a new avenue of development.
It is believed that altering the nutrition provided to the subjects ultimately processed into soylent green could affect the taste. By increasing the cinnamon content in a certain sector, all those individuals processed in the sector could have a stronger cinnamon flavor. The soylent green processed from that sector could then be marketed as Soylent Green with Cinnamon. Through this procedure, a whole range of soylent products could be created.
Sincerely,
Todd
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<span class="dsq-postid" data-dsqidentifier="37170 ">2 Comments
This is Great! I love the last email. I have heard the taste differs from person to person!
That was awesome, guys! Yes, more please.