The Ewoks are polarizing figures in the Star Wars community. Often reviled for their toy-friendly and overtly cutesy design, and simultaneously loved as adorable and cuddly, there’s one thing often not considered. And that’s that the Ewoks should be the most feared creatures in the movies. Here are five reasons why:
1. The Ewoks Eat People – One thing that’s often glossed over with the Ewoks is that they clearly intended to cook and eat Luke and Han. That’s disturbing in and of itself, but more disturbing is the realization that this couldn’t be their first time eating someone. They knew how to bind and carry them, and had a fire ready. If this was the first time they tried eating someone, they would have been more hesitant. And how did they know the humans were edible and would taste good? Because they had it before. So who were the Ewoks eating before Han and Luke? Remember when that Ewok played the xylophone on Stormtrooper chest plates and helmets? Looks like the Empire had a few less Stormtroopers, thanks to the Ewoks.
2. The Ewoks Have the Element of Surprise – No one would expect an Ewok to be deadly just by looking at it. The Ewoks are all cuddly and cute. Leia’s first response to one was to give it something to eat. Yeah, until they jam a spear into your throat.
3. The Ewoks are Warriors – Despite their teddy bear appearance, the Ewoks proved to be ruthless. When they meet Luke and Han and Leia, they never tried to communicate with the newcomers. They just tried to kill them. The Ewoks proved to be no strangers to combat. It should go without saying, but bears pointing out that the Ewoks defeated an army of trained and equipped soldiers. They’re masters of guerrilla warfare, considered one of the deadliest forms of combat. They used elaborate traps to catch large prey and take down Imperial Walkers. I’d hate to see them on a real battlefield. And we should also point out that the Ewoks are brutal supporters or torture. How do we know? They were going to cook Han and Luke…ALIVE. Coldblooded.
4. The Ewoks Are Highly Intelligent – The Ewoks are freaking smart. One of them got on a speeder bike and clearly had never worked with one before. Yet once he got it going, the Ewok managed to operate and pilot it almost immediately. Now imagine the Ewoks getting a hold of laser guns and spaceships. They’d be a force to be reckoned with.
5. The Ewoks Have No Competition – Who else in the Star Wars Universe is more dangerous than an Ewok? The Sarlacc? That thing couldn’t even move. The Wampa? Luke got captured, but only because the Wampa had the element of surprise. Once he woke up, he took that Wampa out quick. The monster in the trash compactor? Yeah, no. Really, there’s no other creature in the Star Wars movies as deadly as an Ewok.
In the next movie, we should see Luke and Leia deal with the consequences of their actions. The movie should open with an army of highly trained and ferocious Ewoks swarming across the galaxy, killing and devouring every living thing in their path. It’s Star Wars VII: Wrath of the Ewoks.
What do you think of the Ewoks?
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<span class="dsq-postid" data-dsqidentifier="37132 ">8 Comments
If your Teddy Bear took combat training, he would look something like this…
Yeah, I'm sure they'd munched a few Storm Troopers over the years.
However, they'd be in trouble if the Serenity landed on their planet. River Tam would insure there were Ewok steaks for the crew for at least a year.
Yikes. Makes you forget the cute and cuddly part.
That is a funny list.
"…Ewoks swarming across the galaxy, killing and devouring every living thing in their path."
Why is it that when I read that I immediately thought of World War Z, but with Ewoks? World War E
Who'd have thought Stormtrooper armor was so vulnerable to rocks and sticks? Wrath of the Ewoks is probably better than whatever JJ Abrams comes up with.
i am now turning my ewok into authorities… it has been looking at me funny, thank you for this… now i know those extra charges to my amazon account came from.
This is awesome! I'm sharing.
I like them ,I think the Avatar Na'vi wouldn't stand a chance against them!
The Ewoks swarming across the universe? They're the Fremen from Dune! A warrior race from a wild planet that finally gets a chance to go offworld.