Can You Handle the 9 Worst Bathrooms in Science-Fiction History? [List]

“When you gotta go, you gotta go.” That’s what Ian Malcolm said in
Jurassic Park and it’s true. We all gotta go, but these are the
bathrooms that make you want to hold it. For 50 years.

Can you handle it?

Here now are the absolute worst bathrooms, toilets and water closets
known to man.

---

#9 – Jurassic Park
Bathrooms

---

In the movie Jurassic Park, a
billionaire named Hammond creates a
dinosaur zoo using cloned dinosaurs. No expense is spared to make
it a top-of-the-line family attraction.

What’s Good?

The bathrooms are conveniently placed throughout the theme park.

What’s Bad?

Who would make an outhouse in the middle of a dinosaur zoo?
Plus, the top is covered by straw. They don’t even have
roofs. Considering how much they spent on the place they should
have sprung
for an upgrade.

The minute a dinosaur escapes, the worst place to be is trapped in a
small room with a small door and no escape. The lawyer makes a break
for it and quickly becomes dinner for the T-Rex.

---

#8 – Demolition Man’s Three Shells

---

In the movie Demolition Man, Sylvester Stallone plays a cop
who’s cryogenically frozen and wakes up in the future.

What’s Good?

The future is a near paradise. Everything is clean and everyone’s
happy. No doubt the bathrooms are pristine and smell wonderful.

What’s Bad?

In the future they don’t use toilet paper. Instead of paper they have a
shelf with “three shells.” I’ve spent years trying to figure out
how it works and each theory is worse than the last.

Thankfully (or unfortunately) Sylvester Stallone explained
how the shells work in an interview with Ain’t It Cool News.
Stallone said, “OK, this may be bordering on the grotesque, but the way
it was explained to me by the writer is you hold two seashells like
chopsticks, pull gently and scrape what’s left with the third. You
asked for it…. Be careful what you ask for, sorry.”

Being the creative guy he is, Stallone loads up on tickets for cursing and heads into the stall.

---

#7 – The Bathrooms on the
Starship Enterprise

---

On the series Star Trek: The Next
Generation the crew travels the stars in the Ambassador-class
Galaxy-Class USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-D).
The Enterprise is the most
advanced
ship in the galaxy and has the
finest technology of an advanced world. Plus, the ship was designed for
long space travel and every possible amenity is on board the ship. You
can visit the Holodecks, an arboretum, a school, a gymnasium,
amphitheaters, and a bar called Ten Forward.

What’s Good?

Imagine spotless bathroom with heated seats and fresh, soft towels
whenever you want.

What’s Bad?

In the documentary Journey’s End: The Saga of Star Trek – The
Next Generation, Johnathan Frakes pointing out there’s only
one bathroom on the official map in one of the props. That’s one john
for 1014
people.
The lines would be insane.

---

#6 – The Alien 3 Communal
Bathrooms

---

One version of the Alien III
script by Vincent Ward and John Fasano had Ripley crashing
her escape pod on a
wooden satellite inhabited by monks. There was a darkly comic scene in
the communal bathroom.

What’s Good?

You couldn’t ask for a quieter bathroom than at a monastery. The sound
of the monks singing giving a relaxing background for your needs.

What’s Bad?

First, the latrines were described as “Six
or eight long-drop toilets with dividers between each closet.” Zero
privacy in these restrooms. “Long-Drop” means they don’t actually use water. They just collect it into a deep pit, so the smell must have been horrible.

Here’s the worst part. When the ship crash landed, an alien starts
circulating the sewage system. While the monks are doing their
business, it goes up through the toilet and pulls them down one-by-one.
I can’t think of a worse way to go than being pulled into a smelly
sewer by an
alien.

---

#5 – X-Files Russian Boat

---

In the X-Files episode, “The Host” we find
a cargo freighter off the coast of New Jersey. After a long hard day, a
guy goes to use the head.

What’s Great?

Nothing comes to mind. Although you can get drunk on Vodka before going.

What’s Bad?

The toilets have zero privacy. They have little dividers, but the
toilets are literally inches away from each other. This leads to
uncomfortable moments sitting next to a guy trying to keep your knees
from touching.

But, then it gets worse. When the sailor opens the door and finds water
pouring out of the can. The toilets are blocked and the job of clearing
the blockage falls to the youngest member of the crew. It’s terrible,
smelly work.

As soon as he opens the panel to the septic tank he realizes it’s going
to be disgusting. He leans in to clean out the blockage and gets pulled
inside the septic tank by a “Fluke Man.” Thankfully, he died quickly.

---

#4 – Night of the Creeps Men’s
Room

---

Night of the Creeps is a 1986 zombie horror film that’s a loving homage
to B movies. The film combines zombies, slasher and alien invasion
films by having alien slugs escape on Earth and turn people into
zombies. One scene has James “J.C.” Carpenter (Steve Marshall), a
handicapped boy, go to the men’s room.

What’s Great?

At least the stalls are wheelchair accessible.

What’s Bad?

J.C. gets trapped in the Men’s Room with the alien slugs. The slugs
start crawling around in the stall, go up his pants leg, slither around
the floor and eventually go into his mouth. Worst. Bathroom break. Ever!

---

#3 – Star Wars: Dark Forces Gas Station

---

We never saw the bathrooms in the Star Wars movies, but they showed up
in the expanded universe. Known as “refreshers” they have showers,
baths, and toilets. One shows up in the video game Star Wars: Dark Forces in the Fuel
Station Ergo.

What’s
Great?

The public restrooms are available to all. Empire’s evil stormtroopers
and mercenaries visit the loo together in one glorious harmonizing
display of equality. We’re all equal in the loo.

What’s
Bad?

Well, it is a gas station bathroom. That means it’s probably filthy and
disgusting. But then it gets worse. Kyle Katan busts in and starts
killing everybody while they’re indisposed. You know you can’t stop once
you start. So you have two choices. Either you become a human water
wiggle spraying urine everywhere while reaching for your gun or hope he
doesn’t get you till you finish.

---

#2 – Psycho Shower Scene

---

The most famous bathroom scenes of all-time is from Psycho when Marion Crane (Janet
Leigh) goes to the shower.

What’s Good?

A quiet hotel in the middle of nowhere. Fresh sheets and towels
by Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins), the kindly owner,  leaves you
feeling safe and well-rested.

What’s Bad?

It turns out the owner is a deranged killer who sneaks into the
bathroom and stabs her to death dressed as an old lady.

---

#1 – Every Star Trek Bathroom Ever

---

In the world of Star Trek, they have advanced technology that allows
them to travel the stars, visit distant worlds and do the ultimate in
recycling.

What’s Good?

The replicators can create anything you could want. From hot Earl
Grey tea, to fresh Russian Caviar, you can have anything you want to
eat.

What’s Bad?

In the Enterprise episode called “Breaking the Ice” some kids
ask
a very good question: When you flush a toilet, where does it go? Chief
engineer Trip reluctantly explains that everything people flush down
the
toilet is recycled into anything required, namely boots, uniforms…and
food. Yes, food.

So, that delicious steak you’re biting into was the steak
someone else ate yesterday. If I was on the Enterprise, I would be
strictly B.Y.O.F. Bring-Your-Own-Food.

Which is the worst bathroom ever?
Where’s the worst bathroom you’ve ever seen?

Please use the buttons below to tell your friends about this post. Click on the links to follow us for free by Email, RSS and follow us on Twitter @thegeektwins