10 Dumbest Hulk Vehicle Toys [List]

I know the toy industry makes a lot of money on vehicles, but there are some superheroes who just don’t need one. Spiderman, Superman, and Iron Man are some good examples. But of all of them, I think the most ridiculous superhero for a vehicle is the Hulk. Not just because he can jump for miles, but because the idea of the Hulk sitting behind the controls of any vehicle defies logic. Here are the ten dumbest Hulk vehicle toys with commentary from the green one himself*.

10. Touch Tech Incredible Hulk Rampage Rescue Tank Vehicle – Let’s start with the basic premise of these vehicles, that the Hulk (who can barely contain his rage enough to form complete sentences) can operate heavy equipment. Of all his vehicles, at least the idea of a tank matches his temperament. But still…

Hulk Says: “Urgh, Hulk drive tank! Smash other rescue vehicles! Must rescue puny humans that Hulk hates! Then smash!”

9. The Incredible Hulk Zoom-N-Go- ATV 4-Wheeler – Take a good look. Imagine Hulk roaring over sand dunes and jungle terrain on this baby. Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Hulk Says: “Argh, Hulk needs to cross unstable terrain! Hulk could walk, but faster to use All-Terrain Vehicle! Better traction!”

8. Corgi Hulk ATV – As ridiculous as the first ATV was, this one is worse. Because it takes the same bad concept, and gives it a really horrible design.

Hulk Says: “Ugh, Hulk not like this ATV! Handlebars too low! Need to hunch over while riding! Makes hair and eyes same color, too! Hulk smash!”

7. Hulk Helicopter – The thing is…helicopters are tricky to fly, even for people who know what they’re doing. This just doesn’t make sense.

Hulk Says: “Arrgh, Hulk need to get over city, but not quickly! Hulk must hover! Hulk will take helicopter! Good thing Hulk have private helicopter pad! Hulk smash…many helicopters while training for helicopter license.”

6. The Incredible Hulk Remote Control Car – We’re coming back to the car, because I try to wrap my brain around the idea of the Hulk getting a driver’s license.

Hulk Says: “Hulk must drive! Hulk get car keys! Hulk adjust mirrors! Hulk buckle! Hulk stop at stoplights! Hulk parallel park! Rarrgh!”

5. Hulk Empire Bus – I literally cannot imagine the circumstances where the Hulk would or could drive a bus.

Hulk Says: “Urrh, Hulk has lot of people to transport! Must drive special Hulk bus! Make all the stops! Exact change only, rarrgh!”

4. Hulk Glider – Can you imagine the Hulk gliding over your head in this thing? Neither can I. But apparently someone did, because they made this.

Hulk Says: “Grr, Hulk must jump from high places, but not have airplane! Good thing Hulk always wear glider under purple pants! Hulk soar like majestic eagle, aarrgh!”

3. Mego Pocket Superheroes Hulk-Explorer Shuttle – This thing is an absolute mystery to me. I can’t even figure out what it does or how it works. But I know this…Hulk looks stupid.

Hulk Says: “Arrgh, time for Hulk to ride shuttle! Not sure how to work shuttle, though. Has wings, but can’t fly! Has wheels, but not motorcycle! Shoots big missile for no reason! Hulk drunk when designed and built shuttle! Waste of time and money! Hulk join AA! Uurgh!”

2. Hulk Speedboat – So I understand that Hulk may have trouble jumping across oceans, but really? A speedboat?

Hulk Says: “Rurrgh, Hulk cross ocean! Good thing Hulk has boating permit and rents nearby dock for just such an emergency! Ah, Hulk relaxing, watching ocean waves! Hulk’s rage fading, fading…oh my, I’m back to Bruce Banner. What am I doing aboard this boat? Is this the Hulk’s boat? How did he get a boat? Who would sell the Hulk a boat? The controls are too big for me to drive! And I don’t know how to drive a boat! I’m trapped at sea!”

1. Spiderman/Hulk Motorcycle – The reason this vehicle sucks the most is that it looks kind of demeaning to Hulk. I mean, between the two, shouldn’t it be Hulk in the driver’s seat? I can’t imagine Hulk just sitting there while Spiderman drives him around.

Hulk Says: “Rarrgh, Spiderman is good friend to Hulk! Spiderman make special seat on motorcycle for Hulk! Ride together on weekends! But why Spiderman drive motorcycle? He swing on buildings with web! Make no sense to Hulk!”

* I got the idea of the Hulk commentary from a blog that does this, but I couldn’t find it again when it came time to write this. If you’re the blogger or know the blog, let me know, and I’ll give the credit.

[Image Source: Incredible Hulk Online, bugeyedmonster]